Ep 128 Transcript: The Hidden Cost of Achievement for Women Entrepreneurs with Steph Ramirez

This transcript was auto-generated and may contain errors in spelling or inaccuracies in the spoken words.

Shauna Lynn Simon (01:49.934)

Hello, and welcome to the Real Woman Real Business Podcast. I am your host, Shauna Lynn Simon, and today's guest is Steph Ramirez. She is a strategic marketing consultant and certified identity coach for ambitious women. After more than 15 years in corporate leadership and marketing, Steph left the traditional path to build a more aligned definition of success and now helps entrepreneurs, executives, and thought leaders to strengthen their personal brands.

increase their impact and create opportunities through authentic visibility from the inside out. Steph is also a speaker, a voice actor, and a lifelong learner. And she's passionate about helping women trust themselves, embrace reinvention, and build meaningful success without burnout. On today's show, we're going to be talking a little bit about some high achieving women and how that's showing up for us in our everyday life, how that is actually getting in the way of some of our success.

And so this is really for that woman who has accomplished a lot, but still maybe feels like you're chasing something. We're gonna talk about some of the patterns in terms of overachieving, perfectionism, self-sacrifice, what entrepreneurship reveals and how this all fits into your marketing strategy, your visibility, and how you're showing up every single day in your business. So you're gonna love this episode. Steph, welcome to the show.

Steph Ramirez (03:07.49)

Thank you so much for having me, Shauna Lynn

Shauna Lynn Simon (03:09.634)

Thank you so much for joining me. Honestly, I'm really excited about this. I talk about this all the time about, you know, high achieving women are their own worst enemies. And I mean, guilty as charged because we constantly feel like we need to live up to something. And I will say that something that for myself that I've always prided myself on is real authenticity. And I actually have a framed piece of artwork. It's actually I've the word authenticity written in actual gold.

And framed and like that's how important it is to me. And yet authenticity has become such a buzzword. And they say be vulnerable, but you gotta also be high achieving and be strong, but also be sensitive and compassionate. And we feel like we're constantly chasing this identity that other people are putting on us. And you're actually a certified identity coach. Can you tell me a little bit about what exactly is that?

Steph Ramirez (04:01.418)

Yeah, absolutely. I feel like it can definitely be like misunderstood or kind of a little vague. But yeah, I shifted in this past year into the coaching side of my business. Obviously, my business has been rooted mainly in consulting for marketing, but now I've just seen a shift just with like my own experience, my own just like living and being in personal development. And I've just been seeing it around the industry of just wanting to really like go from the inside out and start doing a lot of like digging, deconditioning, especially from the shift from corporate to entrepreneurship. It's been the biggest.

Personal development journey of my life. So it's been a lot of deep inner work, and I feel like I'm not the only one who's obviously gonna be going through this or has gone through this. So I feel like I've been leaning into the coaching side of things and I've been told that I should be a coach, and just so many people have confided in me in that. So it's been really digging deep and going through the certification process with ICF to get certified as a coach.

And then develop our niche from there. So really doing the work myself and just talking to other thought leaders who are really tapping into the same audience and the same problem that we're all facing. It's like, who are we from the inside out to be able to build personal brands, build build visibility or build our business and life the way we want it to be?

Shauna Lynn Simon (05:06.904)

And I love that you have a marketing background because a big part of marketing, for anyone who's ever worked with a marketing strategist, you you probably are somewhat familiar with the process, but a big part of it is that they're gonna ask you, who are you? Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up here? And if we try to pretend that we're something that we're not, it will come through in your marketing. It will come through in how you're showing up. So this authenticity that's become kind of this buzzword is still very much valid. It's still true that we need to be authentic, but we need to be

A real authentic, not a fake authentic. And a big part of that comes down to you know, I figuring out who you are, and we identify different ways. Like, I mean, we often identify as mothers and daughters and sisters and wives and everything in between. And there's so much that gets wrapped up in that. And then you add in, you know, who you were, maybe in your previous career, who you are in this career, your entrepreneurship. I know for myself, for example, I have.

A bachelor of mathematics degree, and I worked as an analyst for several years before I made the shift into a more creative career and started my first business, which was a home staging business. So, wouldn't you know that my friends who were real estate agents, I couldn't believe they weren't hiring me to be their stager, but they didn't see me as a stager because they saw me as this woman who knew how to solve math problems and deal with cost analytics and things like that. They didn't see me as this person who could help them sell their house. So

We had to make that identity shift. And I think this is something that we're constantly doing in business is this identity shift. So even for your own business, you're doing an identity shift right now. You've been known as this marketing strategist, which you still are. You didn't just throw that away. Just like I didn't throw away my bachelor of mathematics degree. That's with me for the life. I mean, I earned it, I'm keeping it. I paid a lot of money for it. But I'm not throwing it away, but I'm applying it today. So how do you work with women in helping them to

evolve their identity to something that suits them today.

Steph Ramirez (07:05.9)

Yeah, absolutely. I feel like a lot of women that I encounter, whether they're in my network, they find me through social media, or I know I outsource and just find them myself. Whenever I encounter any high ambitious, high achieving woman, there's always this kind of feeling that's similar. It's a feel exceed feeling of like, I've done everything right. My resume is amazing. I have all the titles. I have a, you know, amazing salary. I'm so successful.

But there's this internal feeling of like, but I just don't feel fulfilled. I feel like something's missing. I'm disconnected from my own life. I don't know if I want this anymore. And then there's this shame and this guilt and all of that. And there's so many different women from all different life paths that have this communal feeling. And it's like, whoa, I felt that as well. So kind of just like being on the same page and just really identifying with them myself. And then really taking them to that next step of like going deeper inside of like, who are you aside from all of this? So it's a lot of deconditioning work.

Understanding what are the roots problems or issues that that kind of made them that way. A lot of the commonalities is like perfectionism. It's overworking or trying to show their worth through productivity. Look how much I can work. I can work 24-7 on the weekends up to burnout or past burnout. But look how amazing I produce this. But I feel terrible inside. Like my health is starting to decline. My relationships, I have no life. Like there, it's just so much happens in their life because of that as a byproduct of all of it. And at some point you're like,

But it's not worth it anymore. But I can't feel that way because I'm so successful. Like it's such like it's so tricky.

Shauna Lynn Simon (08:34.082)

Yeah. And so you talk about in terms of their overachieving and you need to like deprogram the little bit. But before we can even get into deprogramming them, we have to be able to identify what's actually happening. Because I think this is one of the things that people get kind of stuck on is they don't really realize the patterns that are showing up. They don't see people pleasing or overachieving as something that needs to be fixed necessarily. So it shows up in one way.

in terms of they're feeling exhausted, they're not feeling the passion and they think that something else needs to change, but they're not seeing it as actually the high achieving, like what you're seeing is the high achievement, that performance that they're putting on essentially, that's actually what we need to fix.

Steph Ramirez (09:16.142)

Absolutely. And I've seen that really happen a lot with a lot of the layoffs. Like that's kind of where my corporate and my entrepreneurship journey started was from layoffs. And every time I see this, it's always Q4 where I see all these layoffs on LinkedIn. And then I share my story and everyone's like, I feel so seen.

And so it's that point where they're like, but I have to find another job because I have to pay bills. I have no time to do this identity work. I need to continue to find another job. And it's those exact moments, those quiet moments of where there's nothingness, where the voice comes in, your inner knowing comes in. And that's when you start to see that shift of like, do I really feel aligned with the life that I've been building? Or is this a time where I can pivot? And a lot of people don't have that slow time, but their busyness is what is proving their worth. So they have more time.

Shauna Lynn Simon (10:00.13)

You're hitting on something very, very important here. And I just want to make sure that the audience isn't missing it because you're talking about having that quiet time, that rest time. Like these are, you know, we've talked about it on the show numerous times of like when you're in the shower, those are some of the times where you have your best breakthrough moments because your mind kind of zones out, or sometimes you're going on a long car ride and things like that. Our bodies and our minds both need rest. They need to be at peace. And I am of a certain age.

Where I remember what it was like to not have a cell phone attached to me. And so if you were standing in line, for example, at a store, you weren't scrolling on your phone. You just stood there. Like boredom was a very real thing. We don't have that anymore. We need to find boredom in everyday life. We need some of those quiet moments because to your point, like when you just try to shift from one thing to the next to the next to the next, it's easy to keep getting pulled in your shoots.

Well, I'm supposed to do this. I should be doing that, as opposed to stopping and taking a quick moment and saying, what do actually want to do? What feels really good right now? So, okay, let's say someone was just laid off in Q4 and they're thinking, okay, well, I need to go and make money. And they're most likely gonna end up just finding another job and doing the same thing and repeating the same pattern. But how do they take that step to take that break to do this identity work? We've got so much push and pull, like you said, how do we break out of that?

Steph Ramirez (11:24.684)

Yeah, I think it's definitely like relating to them and understanding them what they're going through is really it's a really hard, you know, situation. No one ever wants to be in that position. So I always try to offer my empathy and like, you know, really understand and meet them where they're at. It is a very low point. I've definitely gone through it. But then understanding what their reality is. I definitely don't want to like negate and say, you know, take a trip and travel the world and take the like, no, I understand not the average person has the luxury to do that. Maybe some, but not everyone. So I kind of relate what is your financial situation? They they would know that best. Are you supporting a family, a partner?

A loved one, whatever your financial situation is, like you know that. So if the shift needs to happen to another job, that's fine. Or if you can have a luxury of taking a few months off with the severance or savings, whatever that is, to take time, then suggest that. If you can take a year, amazing, you know, the longer the better. But understanding kind of like how much time they have, and if they do need to get another job, it's purposely, intentionally finding even smaller parts of their day, finding their schedule, really setting strong boundaries.

Of having that boredom time, that quiet time, whether it's five minutes in the morning or it's an hour a day or it's one full day a week of just being alone, being with your thoughts, being able to kind of just sit down and like figure out what are those repeating voices that are happening in your head, in your mind and in your body. How is your body feeling? And whose voices are those? Are they are they your managers? Are they yours? Are they your parents? Are they your loved ones? Like who are those voices? And understand this key thing, like key themes that are happening. And then the last thing, it's like.

If you had all the free time in the world, I love asking this. What would you do with your time if you weren't working? Or if you had more time in the day outside of your workday? What would you fill that time doing? I want to travel. I want to take up surfing. I want to take a dance class or I want to do this or I want to spend more time with my family. Like whatever that is, start picking up on that and then start following that curiosity. Get curiosity of what your life could look like. And then that's when you start shifting to like a more

I wouldn't say balance. There's no true balance of like, okay, well, then maybe I can integrate a little bit more of that in my life. Maybe I want to feel like work defines me or that work takes up my life or I'm hitting burnout. I can take little baby steps to building a life where maybe I have a shorter workday or finding a new job that allows me to have a shorter workday, to do those things that you had visioned for yourself, building out a longer term vision. That again, it's not gonna happen overnight, but to build towards it, but it's getting so intimate with yourself.

Steph Ramirez (13:46.722)

Like, what do I want to do? And the answer is probably not going to come right away, but picking up on those common cues that keep popping up, it's like, let me follow that and see where that leads me.

Shauna Lynn Simon (13:55.596)

Yeah, and building a life around that. There's so many great things that you said in there that I kind of want to come back to. I'm hoping I capture all of them too, because sometimes like they come in and they leave, but I want to try to capture as many as I can. So one of them was talking about whose voice is that? And I want to stop on that one for a moment because I do this with my clients all the time. One of the big ways that this comes up, and not necessarily what you're talking about, this is a little bit off topic, but

It relates, trust me, follow along with me, but with my clients often when it comes to raising their prices, for example, and like, I'm gonna get pushback from my clients. And I'll say to them, when you're hearing that pushback, when you're envisioning that pushback, whose voice is it? And they can usually pinpoint a specific client. And then I'll ask them like, is that your biggest client? Nope. Is it your most important client? Nope. It is just your loudest client. And so

The same thing I think in what you're saying here, like listen to whose voice that is. And it's not to say that you're gonna ignore it, because if it's someone that you love and honor and respect, you do wanna heed the things that they're coming up with. But like for myself, for example, I love my mother dearly. She's my best friend. She's one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. She has a huge and compassionate heart. And she is also the biggest pessimist I have ever met. And I actually can't believe how quickly her brain goes from zero to disaster in any situation.

So if I'm listening to her voice, I'm never going to get further. And it's not that she's not supportive. It's just she's automatically going to pick apart all the bad things. There are some days where that plays in my favor of like, okay, mom, I need to prepare for the worst. Tell me all the things that can go wrong with this. She's my person for that. That is the voice I want to hear. But if I'm trying to figure out who I want to be, I'm not going to listen to the naysayer of, well, you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that. No, this could be, this could blow up in your face because of that. She's not going to be that person for me. So we have to figure out.

Whose voices we want to listen to. Ours should be the most important, but that doesn't mean we ignore other voices that are coming through. Just we need to take them in the context of how we know that person. And is it something like if you're just gonna make them a little uncomfortable, that's not a big deal. But if it's something where, like, you know, they're they're fully against it, you're like, I don't know, like they've got some valid points here. That's a little bit different, right? Absolutely.

Shauna Lynn Simon (16:12.918)

Now, okay, there were a few other things that you talked about there as well that I just want to kind of pull into here. We're talking about our identity when it comes to our the the high achievement. And there's, my goodness. So you said so many things there. And I'm trying to like I knew I was gonna lose some of them. Like, shoot, I want to try to grab onto these things here. But you talk about like the layoffs, the financial element, and and so talking about building the life around their vision. Your vision is your guiding light, it's your GPS system. And it's easy to get.

Pulled in different directions when you don't have a solid vision. Yeah. You go like, and don't get me wrong, you're always gonna take some detours. No matter how strong your vision is, you're gonna take some detours. But you're it's gonna be easy to come back to that path. So I think that is also incredibly important. We need to make sure that we have that vision, that we know where we're going. And then the other thing that I was going to say was you're talking about prioritizing the things that matter likes. Maybe it's travel. And maybe travel to you looks like taking.

Three months off and traveling around the world, but that's not feasible right now. How can you incorporate that sooner than later? Like so for myself, for example, one of my big things that I always say, if I have a choice between two different things, I'm going to prioritize whichever one supports my health journey. Anything that keeps me healthy, keeps me well. I am someone who really prioritizes like how I treat my body, the food that I put into it, the exercise that I do. And so my travel, I align that with doing.

marathon or a tough mutter or some other type of race. And so I get to pair those things up, but I'm always coming back to how does this support my health and my lifestyle that I want to be living? Like that's I like to be active. Those are things that I like to do. And so if I've got a choice between going out for dinner, for example, and buying a new pair of running shoes, the running shoes is usually going to win. Doesn't sound exciting. And I'm not saying this is for everyone, but you got to figure out like what makes sense to you so that you are allowing yourself to

So to splurge on some of those things, even when money feels a little tighter, if you are gonna have an extra few bucks to spend somewhere, really prioritizing where you're gonna spend it. my gosh. Steph, so many amazing things that just like came out of that one little like here you go. And just dropped it. my gosh. Okay, we're gonna dig into some more things here as soon as we get back from this short break. All right, welcome back to the Real Woman Real Business Podcast, where I'm talking with Steph Ramirez and she is speaking our language here on the Real Woman Real Business Podcast. Like this is everything that we're talking about. Okay, so let's go back to

This high achievement and how it's showing up and the patterns that we're seeing, these this overworking. So again, now that we've kind of got it figured out a little bit of like, okay, we've got a bit of an idea as to what our identity is and where we want to go, but I'm still a high achiever. So what are some patterns I'm likely to repeat as a high achiever if I'm not paying attention? Like you mentioned earlier, like overworking, underpayment, people pleasing. People pleasing is a great pattern. Why are these patterns showing up in high achievers?

Steph Ramirez (19:58.124)

Yeah, I think for like as as a society, we've been conditioned from a very young age to have to be validated externally. Whenever we did like a good job on anything, you get a golden star, you get an award. Like it kind of just goes through like this school pattern. And then once obviously you get into like the work field, it's like, a promotion, a salary, a title, a new corner shiny office. Like there's always been some sort of like reward for our output. So we learn to tie productivity to our own worth.

So anything that we do, we make it our our entire being, ourselves, especially being high achievers. Like we never just give 25%. We go in like 100, 150, 500% if we could, like to everything we do. And again, that goes back to people pleasing. You don't want to let anybody down. It could be your family members, your parents, anybody, like perfectionism, because like that was your worth. Like that was your like your golden star. If if things weren't perfect, you didn't get the golden star. So you felt, you know, shame, guilt. You don't want to feel those things. You want to feel good. So you strive for those things.

And so you tend to feel like if you're always busy, always producing, you're always worthy. And then when you become like an entrepreneur, when you kind of want to shift from that, it's not going to happen overnight. Cause how many years have you been programmed like that? 20, 30 plus years. And you cannot change that overnight. Deconditioning is not an overnight process. As long as it took you to come be conditioned, it's going to take you maybe around the same to decondition. But it's being aware first of those patterns or working with a coach or someone you know that you trust that can make you aware of that.

And then taking action from there. And again, it's always going to be baby steps if you want a sustainable deconditioning, you know, pattern. And then just understanding that and just detaching from all of that, because then you're able to kind of recreate, well, how do I want to redefine success for me? If I've been told it's always been this way, now it's up to me to decide how I want it to be defined. And so now there's so much ownership. There's not anybody telling you what to do. You now are now in charge of all of that. So it's up to you of like, how do I want to be validated?

And again it's always start internally first.

Shauna Lynn Simon (21:51.374)

And I almost feel like that like it's kind of the good and bad though, because that can also fuel more perfectionism. So when you first started your business, because you also mentioned you came from the corporate world as well. So you've got a lot of experience there. You're starting your own business. How did you find some of these patterns were showing up, like the perfectionism or other elements? Like how did you find those were showing up for you?

Steph Ramirez (22:11.68)

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's so common. And again, like it's always something I tell people whenever they first start their entrepreneurship journey after corporate. It's like, don't shame yourself or guilt or say I should be doing things because you are gonna replicate the corporate structure in your entrepreneurship journey. Like it is I feel like it shouldn't be that way. Eventually it won't. But like it's so common. It's so natural. It's all we've known. You're I've always I was programmed like that. Like I ended up working even more, working like around the same in my own business.

Shauna Lynn Simon (22:31.638)

They're pre-programmed, yeah.

Steph Ramirez (22:38.796)

Trying to get my first client, you know, pitching myself, you know, I was marketing myself. I wasn't standing behind a big logo of the company I was working in. Yes. I'm the logo. It's my name behind me. And it's like nobody knows me. So I'm starting from scratch of like, who am I? How can I offer the best service possible? So for me, the first couple of clients that were coming in, it was like, I have to keep them. They're paying my income. Like they're paying my bills. I have to do whatever it takes, be a slave to them to give them the best possible service.

Keep them coming back and paying my bills. And it got to a point where again it was normal because I was building my business, building my income. I was giving myself patience and you know, care and guidance of like this first year, I'm probably gonna maybe work a little bit more because I'm building the foundation. But it's that season that I was in, and then year two was different. Okay, I have a cushion now, I can have more flexibility, I can, you know, push back on certain clients or maybe not take on every client, even if they're aligned or misaligned. That was the first year I took on anybody.

Anybody at my door, anybody who said yes, I'll work with you.

Shauna Lynn Simon (23:37.57)

There's no filter, there's no boundaries, nothing. Like come on in.

Steph Ramirez (23:40.544)

Yeah. All out the window. I need to pay my bills. Let's go. I'm going to give you the best service possible. And then I started picking up, I don't like this about this. All right. I don't like like I was kind of like I was dating them to a certain extent. I'm like, okay, I know what clients I want to work with. I know which one I don't, but I don't have the luxury right now to say no. So let me just go with it through this season. And then year two, and then going into year three, I'm like, I have enough cushion. I'm not scrambling to get clients right now. I need to be more, you know, stern on like, okay, here are my boundaries, here's

the clients I feel most aligned with. Here are the ones that it was great experience, but I don't really want to continue working for that industry. Let me shift and pivot. And then I started getting much more selective. And then year three now is where I'm like, okay, my consulting feels like it's in a good place. Now I can add on a coaching business. Like it's just growing and understanding what season you're in and knowing having strong boundaries with, you know, what you're willing to accept and the aligned clients you want to accept and being really strict with your time and your schedule. I think have

Shauna Lynn Simon (24:37.292)

Yeah. And I mean, even like you you said like you didn't have the luxury necessarily of being choosy about your clients. Even if you did have that luxury, even if money wasn't an issue, you probably still would have taken a lot of those clients because like you said, it's kind of like dating. You don't really know. So you gotta offer yourself that grace. What I think is key though that you did that people need to ensure that they are doing is that that reevaluation at year two, at year three, as you continue to grow, do these clients still align with the business that I'm in?

Are the way that I'm offering my services and my offers and my pricing still aligned with the way that I see myself, see this business going as as it continues to evolve? The challenge I think, especially with high achievers, is that we kind of get stuck of like, well, this is how I started doing it, this is what I set out to do. And we don't want to change things because we almost feel like it seems like we're failing at something if we change one of the ways that we're doing things, or like I said I was gonna serve this particular clientele, but it turned out I don't really like that clientele very much. But if I go back on that.

Now that looks bad on me. So I'm gonna have to stick with it. Like, that's not true. No, you this is your business. You have to be the one to ensure that you are changing and shifting and adapting as it continues to evolve. And again, going back to that vision, re-revisit your vision each year. Does that vision still align with you? And if not, what is the new vision? Because we need to make sure that we're using that as our GPS. So, what's one belief that you had previously about being taken seriously that you now think is like,

Well, that's not true. Like, I don't really need to do that. Like something that maybe you did early on, where you have this new business, you need validation, you need credibility. Yes, you came from corporate world, you've got this experience, but as you say, you're selling yourself, which I remember, like I used to be a vegetarian working at a steakhouse and I could sell every steak on the menu. But then so I was like, I can obviously sell my own business. I was wrong. Is this very different when you're starting to sell yourself? So, what's maybe one belief that you had about how you're going to be taken seriously as this in your new career as an entrepreneur?

But you're like, Well that's not true. I didn't really need to do that. I

Steph Ramirez (26:34.03)

I think for me it was being very selective on like who I wanted to cater to and who and what my strengths are and what my zone of genius is. I think for me it's like I wanted to be the jack of all trades, be the best at everything. Do everything and be perfect at everything, be the one stop shop for everything that you needed. And I'm like, no, I think I I feel like I had to to please everybody, to get as many clients, to have a huge successful business, to like tri like double triple my my salary that I had in corporate. For me, that was success at the start.

And then I realized I'm like, no, but I don't want to do all those things. I have no time to do all those things. Again, I'm gonna burn myself out again if I do all of that. So getting really clear with myself on what is my zone of genius? What do I really want to offer? What is that one thing on the menu? Because again, I think we're all normal humans that we'll get overwhelmed when we have too many options. When you're good at everything, you're kind of good at nothing in a sense. Yep. So it's like if you if I can zone in on those one specific area that I love and I can show up every day.

giving my all to this and it doesn't feel like I'm burning out or I'm misaligned, then I feel like my clients will know that they'll get a better service from me. And I there's always an audience for something that we offer. There's clients for everyone. That's why like I never kind of see it in any negativity. We all can exist in the same space, but you are you and I am me. And I'm gonna find an audience that's gonna want what I offer. And so kind of getting clear with that was like it took a process, a long time, but like it sunk in.

Shauna Lynn Simon (27:55.084)

And and where would you say that is that then now? Like where have you landed at the at this stage in your business? What would you say is your zone of genius? Like what what really lights you up that you want to really attract?

Steph Ramirez (28:05.58)

Yeah, I think for me it's just like because obviously like like social media obviously has been has boomed and so it's been it's all over, it's ingrained in every part of our lives. And so that's kind of where I started in my career. And I wanted to kind of be like everything and anything in social media, but at the root of it, people just want to be seen and just want to be felt and heard, and that's why we connect so much through social media. That's always been kind of the root of it, how I see it. But at the same time, because there's so much noise online, people kind of tend to make themselves small.

Because they think, somebody else already is doing it. Somebody else, this industry's crowded. there's too much noise. I can't fit in. So they live their lives feeling small or making themselves small. And as I feel like a shift towards individualism, I feel like we're going through as a society, so many more people are leaving corporate or unintentionally leaving corporate because they're getting laid off, starting to build their own personal brands, their own identity, their own individuality. But who is that since they've been conditioned for so long?

So whether it's a brand that wants to stick out from their industry that's crowded or an entrepreneur who wants to just like make themselves known, it's like, who are you from the inside out? And I wanna bring out that light, their potential, give them hope that there's gonna be people out there that need their story. I wanna be that vehicle, that platform that gives them the courage, the positivity, the hope, the push to put themselves out there because that story could reach so many people and help so many people feel more seen because you're putting yourself out there.

And it's tapping into what is that story that you have and let's get it out there. And so I feel like people, everybody has their story and everybody has an audience that can benefit from it. So kind of just getting people to realize it and be really more strategic on what that looks like for them and not trying to copy everybody else or do what else is out there and just be another trend. Like stand out and, you know, feel strong in that.

Shauna Lynn Simon (29:49.186)

Well yeah, and I think I mean so it sounds like it's not as much about like what platform you're on or where you're actually putting it, which it is for each individual, yes, but you're not saying like, you know, we're gonna create like this 90-day Instagram strategy or whatever. And sure, you might, but the whole point of it is coming back to

What is the story? And then based on that story, who is it that you're you're marketing to? Where are they hanging out? What is the way that we're going to communicate this in a way that's going to actually resonate with your ideal client? But it comes back to that story. And I think this is, I have clients sometimes who are like, I'm supposed to be posting on Instagram like three times a day and I'm supposed to be doing this. I'm supposed to be doing that. I'm like in some businesses, yeah, me maybe you should be. But can we go back to like what story are you trying to tell? And

Who are you trying to attract and what action do you actually want them to take? And then backwards from that, how many times do you think you need to be showing up online? Or where which which platform do you think you need to be showing up on? Like, is this where your time is best spent, or is it somewhere else? Like based on that story, where's the best place we can put it out there? I know that you, you know, you talk about YouTube speaking as well. Like maybe this story just needs to be on the big stage. Maybe it needs to be a TEDx talk. Like maybe it's something like that.

As opposed to just having to be on social media, like yes, social media is great and everything. But I think if you're starting with the story, the social media becomes the vehicle that you use to get that out there, but it's not the main focus. Did I get that kind of? Yeah. Okay.

Steph Ramirez (31:15.628)

Yeah, absolutely. It can definitely live in different formats and with time and just with the demand it can definitely spread across different marketing channels. But like it's it starts with the story first because like those are just amp amplification tools to something much bigger, but it has to start at the root.

Shauna Lynn Simon (31:28.942)

Okay, so what if someone listening to is like, I don't really have a story?

Steph Ramirez (31:31.998)

man. I'd be like, no, don't say that to yourself. It's a limiting belief. Everyone has a story. I feel like we're we're all humans going through things that we feel like, I'm the only one going through this. And I I don't believe that at all. I feel like everything that we're going through is a as a humankind, we're all figuring it out. Again, I think that's also another belief and

Again, social media obviously is used for so much good, but also it could hinder in terms of just like seeing it and thinking that it's everyone's everyday life. But people aren't showing every single bad thing that's happening. So it's kind of it tends to be like a highlight reel in a sense. So you see perfection of you see polished, you see, this person's living the best life ever. I'm not. And then that's when the comparison comes in and all of that. It's just understanding that like your story is always going to stand out because you are the one telling it. And there's somebody who's probably going through the same thing that can feel less alone. So

Shauna Lynn Simon (32:18.688)

So let's let's go back though to the high achiever now who's like, you want me to be vulnerable, but I'm a high achiever. Like how do we make this shift of like go share your story because someone's gonna benefit from it, but you're also a high achiever and wanna have this whole image going on. Like how do they navigate that?

Steph Ramirez (32:34.208)

Yeah. Yeah. Again, I know. I mean, obviously being vulnerable and authenticity. Again, like you were saying at the beginning, like it's such trendy words that people are saying that it's kind of like starting to not like lose its meaning, but it's not as significant. Yeah. People are saying it now. But I mean, I think for me, it's no one on here is having a like a unique experience. Everyone some sort of like has some sort of like experience that anybody in the world can relate to. And I think we're starting to pick up with just so much usage of social media on such a consistent basis.

of like not everything is perfect. We're all kind of being like awake and in the sense of like we're seeing that not everything is perfect, not everything is polished, which is why you're seeing content that goes viral, that does really well is not the most polished anymore. And that's kind of like what we're gearing towards is like we want to see the raw, the like the unedited clips, the the like day-to-day things that happen because at the end of the day it makes you feel human and we want to connect with other humans. And so I feel like even if you just start with sharing one one little tidbit of your life that feels like maybe this I shouldn't share this.

That might be the one clue that gives you of I probably should share this.

Shauna Lynn Simon (33:36.514)

Well, listen, like I get it. Trust me, I get it. Because I as a business coach, my clients need to feel confident in investing thousands of dollars with me that I am going to help them to get to the next level. So they need to see a successful, high performing business coach who's clearly done it all. So then when I share things about like, well, let me tell you how I completely messed up something this week, or you know, I shared a story from a few years ago where I essentially lost six figures because I invested

In someone else's framework and a coach that didn't actually have my best interest at heart and fell into some of the same traps that I know so many of my clients have. But I shouldn't fall into those because I'm this big successful coach. And I remember I was on a call one time, it was one of my group coaching calls. And one of the women on the calls, I've known her for a number of years, and I can't remember what it was that I said, but I said something that I completely messed up that week. And she was like, so you're not perfect. And I was like, whoa, hold on a second. I am not perfect.

Yeah. And like the fact that you even think that says I'm doing something wrong right there. Like if you actually think I'm perfect, this is there's something wrong here. I don't help everyone with all the things. Like I also have my own market of these are the types of people that I help. But I want those people to feel confident that yes, I can actually help you. But part of how you're gonna feel confident that I can help you is because I make mistakes.

Not because I get it perfect every single time, because I'm not gonna tell you to do it perfect every time. I'm gonna tell you to try some things that are uncomfortable and are hard and are gonna step outside of the box a little bit because they're gonna work for you, but every once in a while they're not, and we're gonna take the lesson and we're gonna move forward with it. And that is a part of life. Because if I just gave you here's the perfect framework, just fit everything into this nice little box, you're now building a business that doesn't look like yours anymore. And that's not what I want for anyone. So yeah, I think that's it's hard. Don't get me wrong. It is very hard.

Sometimes to be vulnerable, but my best performing reels and posts are the times where I've just gotten raw, where I've just like off the cuff, like, all right, hello world. Like I got I got something to say here. Here's something that happened to me, you know, and it's feeling kind of crappy. And you get people actually like, like yes, I relate to that. Like, like you said, like it just it pulls something out of them and it makes you that much more relatable. Yeah, absolutely.

Steph Ramirez (35:47.584)

Yeah, I did a video about my layoff when I got like like my biggest layoff that like launched me into entrepreneurship. I did a whole video about how I felt like I felt like the rug was taken from under me, like I was going through a breakup.

And everything I was feeling. And I'm like, I didn't want to tell people I got laid off. I felt embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I felt, but I knew I wasn't the only one that was going through this, seeing every wave of massive layoff in the media. Somebody's gonna relate to this. And then I my inbox, again, it wasn't a lot of public comments because a lot of people wanted to keep it private, but I got so many DMs from people's own network, quiet followers who don't engage much.

But they felt compelled to send me a DM being like, I just got laid off. my God, I just went through that. I like a yours your video helped me. And it's like, I'm so glad more people feel less alone just because I shared how I felt.

Shauna Lynn Simon (36:34.018)

And I also think that's an important thing to note is that some of my posts that perform the best don't necessarily look publicly like they performed as well as they did because it's a lot of like private messages that I'm getting response where people are like, I don't want to admit this out loud, but I just had to send you a message and just tell you how much this meant to me. Like those are some of the most special things to actually hear. Yeah, I love that. So what does an aligned definition of success look like in real life now?

Steph Ramirez (37:03.31)

So different from when I started my entrepreneurship journey. But again, and also it's something that's always evolving. It's not set in stone. This is the I think I'm starting to do check-ins every year of entrepreneurship of like, okay, getting quiet with myself of like, what what do I feel like success success looks like for me now? And it's become so much simpler than I thought. I think for me, and especially if you follow me on social media, it's my hobbies, having time in my workday, in my work week, in my work months, life.

that I have time to do the things that I love. Because for me, rest and finding joy allows me to be re-energized to show up to my work. And again, you may see my social media is like, my God, like she does so many things. It's I love all my passions and my hobbies. And when I have time to do them, I show up to my work even better. So having that, whatever that looks like in my season of life, sometimes they change. They're not, I'm not doing all the things all the time. It's like maybe this season I want to travel and this season I want to do more dance. And this season I want to

You know, rest more, go to the gym more. Like there's always so many different things that I like to do. my health, because I feel like when I was in corporate and either like I've gone through a huge weight loss journey and I'm going through a whole strength training journey. And whenever I feel good in my health inside internally, the outside is continuing to glow and show up even better. So like my health, getting eight hours of sleep like at night, like just things like that. If I get a good night's rest, I feel good. I'm not like

dreaming or like having like nightmares of like client deadlines and proposal I have to get like I'm able to like disconnect at night, sleep and then wake up and then get back into work mode. Like I'm carrying all of that and everything that I do. I'm able to like disconnect, like set boundaries and you know, have like time with that. spending time with my family. Like I lived in New York with my whole family lived in South Florida. So being able to be closer to them now and choosing like that's that time and having that dedicated family time that I can be in person with them.

Is another thing too, because in corporate I felt like it was only the holidays that I got to see my family. So seeing, you know, grow up or grow older, I wasn't there for those moments. So now having time for them, like I that feels like success to me. That I feel like a lot of people can't do that. So it's things like that that I'm starting to reevaluate. Like that feels more aligned to have time for that flexibility.

Shauna Lynn Simon (39:09.994)

And I know it can be difficult when you're an entrepreneur, it can be difficult to say, like, in order to be able to spend the time doing the hobbies and spending time with family and friends and whatnot, you feel like, okay, well, if that's gonna take time away from the time I have for work. But to exactly what you're saying though, it actually makes you better at your work. It makes you more productive. It makes the time that you're putting into your work that much more fruitful because you know that

It's helping you to be able to spend the time with your family. So you prioritize a little bit better. You price yourself a little bit better. You protect your boundaries a little bit better. All of that keeps you happy, keeps you healthy, keeps you focused. It doesn't drain you from working with the wrong clients that now you're working with the right clients. So you can feel energized each day. I mean, it's definitely this sort of domino effect, but they have to play with each other. So going back to what you said at the very beginning, is it you know, there is no such thing as work life.

Balance. I don't like the word balance, but there is an integration that allows you to kind of weave in and out of each of those in a way that feels right and feels aligned for you. And if that means that sometimes you take your laptop on your holidays, so be it. I don't have an issue with my clients doing that. I do have an issue if they can't ever disconnect though. Like you can take your laptop on your holidays because if it gives you peace of mind to check in for 10 minutes each day to be able to

be fully present with everyone fine. But if you're taking your laptop because you're going to sit at the beach for eight hours on your laptop, those are two different things. Right. So, you know, you've got to whatever works best for you to integrate those things to allow you to be as present as possible when you're enjoying the things that are for you just for you. So that you can also be as present as possible and as productive as possible when you're in work mode. I love it.

I think this is a perfect place to close out the episode here as well. We've covered so many great things, but again, coming back to that high achiever and getting so many things that are wrapped up in that identity of that perfectionism, that high achiever and whatnot. So you've given some us some really good tips for how we can start moving past that. If someone wants to get in touch with you, what's the best way that they can work with you?

Steph Ramirez (41:17.324)

Yeah, absolutely. You can definitely reach out to me on social media. I'm @stephanieramirez or my email steph@stephramirez.com and would love to get to know you, get to know your story and see how I can help.

Shauna Lynn Simon (41:27.33)

I love that. Now, if someone's listening to this episode and there's one thing they're going to take away from today about you because we covered a whole range of topics, but if there's one thing they're going to take away from today and really start putting that into action, what would you like that one thing to be?

Steph Ramirez (41:42.028)

I would be, my gosh, so many things. I would say, even if it's as little or as as long as you can, I would say intentionally set up time to get quiet and just be aware of like the thoughts that are going through your mind and understand like what and continuous to do that, whether you're jotting it down in your notes app or journaling it, what's that common thing that keeps coming up? And follow that and see where that leads you. Because at the end of the day, you don't want to get to the end of your life with what ifs.

I think about it in that way. It may sound morbid, but I don't want to be like living a life where like I get to the end and I'm like, I could have done all these things. I didn't realize it. Pick up on those things now and start pursuing it as small as it may seem and see where that takes you and your whole life could change from there.

Shauna Lynn Simon (42:21.89)

Amazing. I love that. What a great way to end the episode. Thank you so much, Steph. This has been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for joining me on the show.

Steph Ramirez (42:29.73)

Thank you so much for having me. It was awesome.

Shauna Lynn Simon (42:32.074)

Oh my goodness. So listen, if you're listening to this episode and this is really resonating with you, definitely look up Steph, give her a shout, connect with her. But also, I hope that you will continue to join in this podcast each and every week. We drop new episodes every Tuesday morning at 7 a.m. Eastern time. And please allow us to continue to be a part of the journey with you. Take us wherever you go. We love doing that. Don't forget to leave us a review and subscribe to us on your favorite podcast platform wherever you get your podcast. And remember, the best way that you can support

Not only the show, not only Steph, but every woman entrepreneur that you know is to share this episode with someone that you know really needs this message today. I am sure you have someone in your life who is a high achiever who needs to break free from some of that identity, some of those perfectionism traits and some of those patterns and start to deprogram themselves a little bit. And this episode is the perfect way to start. Share this episode with them. It helps them. Of course, in turn, it helps us as a podcast and it allows us to reach more people. So thank you so much for tuning in. And until next time.

Keep thriving.