Ep 119 Transcript: How to Break the Burnout Cycle and Rebuild With Purpose with Christina Kantzavelos

This transcript was auto-generated and may contain errors in spelling or inaccuracies in the spoken words.

Shauna Lynn Simon (01:50.094)

Hello and welcome to the Real Women Real Business Podcast. I am your host, Shauna Lynn Simon. And listen, have you ever looked at your business and thought, you know, this is really working? So why am I not okay? Because a lot of "Accidental CEOs" who listen to this podcast, you don't necessarily build your business on what we would consider a sustainable system. Instead, we build it on survival systems, right? You're in survival mode. It's the kind that you know gets results, but ends up behind the scenes costing you things like your health, your relationships.

Your capacity, and honestly, at times, even your joy. So today's conversation is for the high-achieving woman who's been holding it all together with bubblegum, duct tape, whatever you've got to hold it together. And you've been doing this for far too long. And maybe you're starting to realize that your nervous system has been running your business. Well, I'm sitting down today with Christina Kantzavelos, a California licensed psychotherapist, writer, and chronic illness advocate.

And the founder of Begin Within Today and WithinMe. After developing severe Lyme disease and navigating complex chronic illness, Christina was forced to rebuild her life, identity, and career from the ground up. And now she supports people navigating chronic illness, trauma, burnout, and nervous system dysregulation through trauma-informed and somatic approaches. And she brings a rare perspective as both a therapist and an entrepreneur.

living nomadically between Portugal and Greece. And so we're going to be talking about how survival mode shows up in ambitious women, what it costs, why boundaries are so hard to hold when you're dysregulated, and what it looks like to build a business that actually supports your life, not one that you have to recover from. So Christina, welcome to the show.

Christina Kantzavelos (03:27.554)

Thank you so much, Shauna Lynn. I'm really excited to be here and to discuss this topic that's very, very true and near to my heart and continuously, right? Because it's something we're always working on and towards as business people, if you will.

Shauna Lynn Simon (03:42.562)

Absolutely. And I mean, I'm someone who's spoken quite openly about my own journey with dealing with chronic fatigue that I had for three years, which was a result of burnout. Burnout caused shingles, shingles caused adrenal fatigue. I spent three years recovering from it. And so now that I would consider myself "recovered", that doesn't mean that I forget all the things that got me back to where I am. It's about practicing them on a daily basis. And I think what you talk about really hits home when we talk about

Survival mode. I can't tell you how often I speak to people in different settings and I say, how are things going? you know, I'm surviving. And we hear that term, are you surviving or thriving? And a lot of people really are in that survival mode. What does this actually mean to the body? How is this showing up in our actual physiology?

Christina Kantzavelos (04:33.824)

Yeah, we hear this term so often. I'm surviving, I'm barely making it, I don't know how I'm doing it all. And often when

Shauna Lynn Simon (04:43.576)

That one the I don't know how I'm doing it all. Yes. Yes. Love that one. Yes.

Christina Kantzavelos (04:47.714)

Yes, barely making it, whatever. And if I go back in time to this person's timeline, usually I can see that this has been the case since a very young age, that they were been in this survival aka chronic stress state. And that could be dynamics in the family, that could be illness, that could be traumas, it could be so many things. What happens is if we're constantly under

Chronic stress and we don't bounce back to basically, we're not even looking for a regulated state, but flexibility, right? Where you think of an animal running away from a predator, you'll see them shaking for some time, and then they they go they're able to go to this back to their baseline. What happens when we're unable to go back to that baseline? We're just stuck in this chronic stress response. Basically, what happens is we are releasing lots of cortisol to keep us running, to keep us

going. So imagine your brain thinking you are being chased by a predator, right? All it's going to care about is getting you to safety, whatever that means in your head. So this is the limbic system. This is a reptilian part of the brain. It just wants you to get from point A to point B. It does not care about your joy, your happiness, your well-being. It just cares about that level of safety. So constant cortisol.

Constant stress, we start to see things, all kinds of things affected. Socially, right? Relationships. We see the immune system be affected, the autonomic nervous system. This impacts all areas of the mind, the body, the spirit, and it can show up in a myriad of ways until you say, No more. This stops right here. And sometimes the body does it for us. We burn out. We get really sick. We hit this rock

bottom.

Shauna Lynn Simon (06:46.998)

Yeah. And you know what? So one of the things I talk about with my story often is that I wasn't feeling stressed, but my body was stressed because I was in this go, go, go kind of mode. But I was on an absolute high. My business was booming, things were growing. Everything looked like it was coming up roses, so to speak, but I was burning the candle at both ends. I was joyously doing like, I'm an entrepreneur and I'm working all these hours and this feels great. And I was actually enjoying it, but I was putting so much stress on my body.

That exactly what you say, like it's that survival mode. And your body doesn't know the difference between being chased by a lion and you got an email that stressed you out. Like it does it, it's like, safety, safety. I need to find safety. And I mean, I joke all the time as being an avid runner. I run six days a week and people are like, you must be in great shape. Like, no, because I'm 48 years old and cortisol works against my body. The more cortisol, the higher my cortisol levels are.

The more weight I'm likely to gain. Well, when I'm out there running for leisure, as much as it's a stress relief, my body's also like, oh my gosh, we're being chased by a lion and wants me to bring down my cortisol levels. So there's about having a balance to it still. So I really like what you're saying though about how they've been living in this chronic stress. But I think there's people listening to this podcast who are going to say, but I don't feel stressed. I'm not stressed. I'm just I'm busy. You know, like it's so can we speak to that woman for a moment?

Christina Kantzavelos (08:11.404)

Yes, let's do it. Because that woman was me. So when I think of chronic stress, right, we we think of fight or flight. And that's that's what when we think of survival response. I'm not fighting, I'm not fleeing a situation. What is she talking about? There's two other Fs. There is a freeze response and there's a fawning response. And actually, those are the two I see people most often in. So you think of freeze response being like,

Feeling frozen, indecisive about a decision, feeling like there's so much on your list, and all of a sudden you're "doom scrolling", if you will, or staring at a wall and then going into a shame spiral about it, not knowing what to do next, that stuckness, that stuck feeling we've all had at some point. And then fawning, which is the overachieving, people pleasing,

All of these are survival responses that we developed likely in our childhoods that feel like, well, I mean, I feel normal. I feel normal doing it. However, internally, it's not the case. And what happens is it becomes a familiar hell, right? A familiar hell meaning it's home. It's what we've been used to, this patterning we've been used to. We really don't know anything different until we have no choice but to switch it up.

And go, okay, enough is enough. I'm not engaging with this anymore. But we live in a society where hustling and girl bossing, I mean, all of these things are put on a pedestal where, you know, we just have to constantly go after it and chase after it. And this is normalized. You know, there's a way to do it, and we'll talk about that's a bit more balanced, but this way of burning the candle at both ends and overworking ourselves without filling our cup up, without checking in, without

Taking a deep breath and asking ourselves, is this truly what I want to be doing? Is this truly in alignment with me? Do I actually want to say yes or no to this? You know, like who am I? What am I experiencing authentically? Or I start asking those questions and making those decisions and becoming more discerning. Everything begins to shift in a more sustainable way. It also can crash before that. That's also real, right? Right? Because sometimes then we have to, and sometimes that's

Christina Kantzavelos (10:34.122)

That's necessary to to restart, to start afresh.

Shauna Lynn Simon (10:38.636)

Yeah. I'm so glad that you're calling this out though, because I mean we call it ambition and strong worth work ethic and integrity. And meanwhile, like these are all just fancy names for, you know, that hustle culture that is burning us out. And I have actually a big part of my brand is built on helping people to avoid and or recover from burnout. And the challenge is that I've actually stopped using that word for the most part because so many people just don't identify with it. They don't realize.

They're burning out until they've already burnt out. Like so you can be on the verge of it without even realizing it. So I love that you are calling out some specifics that because I can see some light bulbs going off of like, wait a minute. people pleasing is potentially me actually operating in survivor mode. Like that's I think calling out how it actually shows up is so key because we're not going to recognize it otherwise if we just keep giving it fancy names.

I'm not saying that burnout is a fancy name, but it sounds like something that happens to other people, not you. And yet I did a whole episode all about people pleasing. And I can't tell you how many people were messaging me saying, like, oh my gosh, this is resonating. So like there are certain things. And I mean, I know you named out several different ways that it shows up. People pleasing just happens to be one of them. But I love how you talked about the freezing and the fawning, because yeah, we think about fight or flight. And

Those all make sense. And I don't feel like I'm doing either. I'm not running away from things, but I'm also don't feel like I'm in fight mode necessarily. But it can show up in in those other two Fs, which I think are great. And then we end up dropping several other Fs that are more four letter words instead. So yeah.

Christina Kantzavelos (12:17.122)

100% hey that's good for the nervous system, you know, but you know, the perfectionism, the overfilling of the schedule and taking on taking on too much and not leaving space for yourself, these are survival responses.

Shauna Lynn Simon (12:33.778)

And I want to talk about this because people have said to me that I've tried setting boundaries and I fail at it every single time. And then type kind of what you're talking about earlier with the "doom scrolling" where you end up shaming yourself because, like, oh my gosh, I just wasted 20 minutes, 30 minutes, or whatever that looks like. And I have so many things to do, but you just kind of got stuck. You froze. And so I find the same thing happens with boundaries where people are like, well, I tried setting boundaries and I failed at it. And they kind of give up. They're like, I just can't set boundaries because I'm gonna say yes to this or this is gonna happen.

So why is it that boundaries fail when someone's in survival mode, even when they know better and when they know, like I need these boundaries?

Christina Kantzavelos (13:11.576)

So it's such a deep set pattern and it's important to work with a trauma informed therapist or coach to find out why this is popping up for you to begin with. Like if you continuously try and you notice it's not working, it may be time to take a deeper look, which is a beautiful invitation, by the way, because it can impact your life in so many beautiful, like positive, beautiful ways. But sometimes there could be a couple of reasons.

Doesn't feel safe to have a boundary. If I don't complete these tasks, it can literally feel like in my nervous system, like life or death. I need to complete these tasks to feel okay. I need to get these things done. And this boundary in some way is keeping me from that. My nervous system doesn't feel safe enough. Or not holding yourself in a high enough regard to hold those boundaries in place. That's something else I see, like putting something or someone else.

on a pedestal above you and then you're last. And I know this is like a very strong word to use, but there's almost this addiction patterning that I see with and even in myself with overachieving, overdoing. Why? Because there's a dopamine effect. And so right, we have the cortisol, the dopamine really, really calms that down. We want the serotonin, we want the dopamine, but maybe not in this way. It's not that sustainable, but it feels

So good to check something off the list to complete the task.

Shauna Lynn Simon (14:40.974)

And you're like, Yeah, I just made money. Never mind that you don't have the bandwidth and capacity to actually service them properly, but they just gave you money so you get the dopamine hit from the money. So like, this must be a good thing. I just got dopamine. It's good.

Christina Kantzavelos (14:58.456)

Totally. And it's scary to to say no to an opportunity like that. But what if another one doesn't come my way? What if I discern it? Yes. So it's and I want to validate this experience. It's it can be very, very scary. And there's a myriad of reasons as to why maybe you're not able to honor those for yourself, however, you are worthy of looking into it, because that will be one of the healthiest, most sustainable things you can do for yourself.

For your family, for your loved ones, for your community and for your business.

Shauna Lynn Simon (15:29.59)

So if someone's listening to this and they're saying, Okay, you know, I've tried setting boundaries and it never works. What you're saying then is that there there's something deeper that's lurking there that's that's living that there isn't necessarily a quick fix of like, just do this new life hack and boom, you'll be able to sustain your boundaries. It doesn't work that way. Is that what you're saying?

Christina Kantzavelos (15:50.35)

I'm saying first try the hacks, you know. If you're able to create time blocks in your business, for example, I think that's one of my favorite go-to's. You create a time block every single day for whatever it is you need to do to take care of yourself, your needs, your desires, fill your cup up to show up more fully in other areas of your life. That's just one example of a hack. Let's just say you try that over and over again and you notice you're pressing the override button, the magic override button.

Shauna Lynn Simon (16:19.672)

Christina Kantzavelos (16:20.246)

yes, I see that, but I also see these emails and this person wants to speak with me and you notice okay, that can happen once in a while. That's normal human. But if you notice it's continuous and you're still not taking care of yourself, there might be a reason as to why and a good lovely reason to look within to find that out.

Shauna Lynn Simon (16:41.132)

Yeah. And I think, I love what you're saying about, you know, try the different things that might work, but don't beat yourself up also if they if they're still not working either. Because, you know, we we are all human at the end of the day. And one of the things that I like to say is I like to acknowledge if I'm not maintaining a boundary, like you said, if I'm time blocking it, but I'm giving it up for other things, I take responsibility by acknowledging that I haven't prioritized it. And I find just reframing it that way in my head.

tends to help as well. It doesn't always correct it immediately. It's not like an instant, like, that fixed it, but it reminds me. So the next time I push it aside, I'm telling myself, you're not prioritizing this. So when we start using that kind of terminology, like I have people that say to me, like, it must be nice to be able go for a run six days a week. Like, you know, it must be nice to have that kind of time. I don't have kids. So people often associate it with, well, you know, you don't have kids, you don't have these responsibilities. I'm like, no, I'm up at 4:15 in the morning. So I can go for my 5 a.m.

run so that I can be productive that day so I can get the things done that I need to get done. I'm driving my mom to the airport in a few days and her flight has been scheduled so that I can still go for my morning run before I take her to the airport. And this is how much I prioritize it. Don't get me wrong at the end of the day if I absolutely had to miss a run to go and pick my mom up from the airport or something, I would do it, I'm sure. But the reality is that other people in my life also understand that that's a priority for me. So when they invite me for something

They'll ask me whether or not that's going to conflict with my runs that are scheduled. Now, if I prioritized everything else that's really important in my life the same way I prioritize my runs, I get everything done on my to-do list every day. And I would love to say that I am this perfect image of the person who gets all the things done and prioritizes things properly. But I'm not perfect because none of us are. And so I just like to remind myself though, when those things that I know should, I hate the word should, but should be getting done.

They're not getting done, then I'm telling myself I'm not prioritizing it. And what that allows me to do is reevaluate why I'm not prioritizing it. Am I feeling stuck? Because we talked about that before as well. That freezing. Sometimes I feel like, you know, maybe I don't have enough info to do this. Maybe I don't feel like I'm the right person to be doing this and I should be looking to outsource it. Like there are other things that this is potentially telling us sometimes as well. So yeah. And so what

Christina Kantzavelos (18:56.727)

I agree with that.

Shauna Lynn Simon (18:58.656)

What I want to do is, I want to shift the conversation a little bit and we're going to talk about some sustainable systems that we can build with some practical tips for people that they can actually apply in day to day life. But before we do that, we're going to take a really short break. We'll be right back after this quick message.

All right, welcome back to the Real Women Real Business Podcast, where we're chatting with Christina and she's a therapist. So she's coming from a real informed point of view, but she's also experienced trauma herself. She's experienced chronic illness herself. And so we're talking about how to shift ourselves from some survival mode systems into some more sustainable and practical and grounded systems. So

We talked earlier, one of the first things you talked about was about how animals in the wild can regulate their systems. They get that kind of shake and then they can kind of shake it off basically when a predator has been chasing them and they feel they're safe again and they regulate themselves. And they think one of the things that we've identified is that as humans, especially in today's world, we're not always regulating ourselves. So what could this look like for an entrepreneur on a, we're gonna call it a quote, normal day, not a perfect day, a normal day for them?

How are we regulating our nervous system?

Christina Kantzavelos (20:58.934)

So first of all, again, we are just taking a look at everything, you know, what the areas in which we can shift. Like, is there space and time to pour into ourselves basically? But some of my favorites, these are free. You can find them online. Like one is just taking a moment to dance to really move the energy through. Emotions are energy in in motion. So if you're feeling stuck, the one thing I tell people to do is actually move. And I think running.

That's something why running is so impactful to runners or athletes in general is because a lot of those feelings get moved. Like how often when you're running do you receive insights during and after?

Shauna Lynn Simon (21:42.298)

Absolutely. And like time literally stops when I'm running. All of my stresses melt away. There's nothing on my to-do list. Like it's just my only thing that I need to do is run. Like step one, start running. Step two, keep running. Like it's just, it's that simple. You're not thinking of anything else.

Christina Kantzavelos (21:57.966)

I remember I used to suffer from severe panic attacks and I had a doctor, the one doctor, no one else had explained this to me, explain that a panic attack is more physiological than it is psychological because at that moment in time your brain is perceiving a tiger chasing you. So what did he tell me to do? Go run. Get it out. So if you feel this surge coming up, perhaps you're not a runner and that's okay, but dance it out, move in a way that feels good for you.

You know, whatever your body is capable of, whatever's calling to you. That's one of my like favorite ways to just to just move it, move it through you. Another is emotional freedom technique, which is, I'm sure you've seen it videos. It's tapping. You're you're tapping on these acupressure points, and that in and of itself reduces cortisol. But you say words with it, even though I'm feeling really behind in work today, or I'm not feeling like

A great X, Y, or Z. I love and accept myself anyway. And there's something so powerful and therapeutic in radically accepting where we are, who we are today. And you can find so many of these videos for free on YouTube. You could type in EFT tapping blank and you will likely find a video, even a very niche one, on what you're moving through.

Shauna Lynn Simon (23:19.79)

I've heard a lot about EFT tapping. I will admit I haven't fully embraced it myself yet, but I'm very much intrigued by it. So you mentioned though that that's you're actually tapping acupuncture points. So I think that's part of the people understand, like, why am I tapping?

Christina Kantzavelos (23:34.894)

Yeah. You're tapping these acupressure points.

Shauna Lynn Simon (23:37.664)

It feels like you're trying to like hit something into your brain or something. So but it's actually there is a logic behind where you're tapping and why you're tapping.

Christina Kantzavelos (23:47.594)

Exactly. There's somatics going like moving on through this by tapping it in. And then it's cognitive behavioral therapy by speaking these things aloud. Even though I'm experiencing this challenging moment, I love and accept myself anyway. And so that reduces cortisol and stress. So those are a couple of ways. I'm a big fan of journaling, which has also been proven any mind, body.

Shauna Lynn Simon (24:15.682)

Love journaling, yes.

Christina Kantzavelos (24:17.006)

Journaling's amazing. And if you're not a journaler, man, have you voice noted your friend recently? Voice noting. Getting it out. I'm all about they're finding voice notes or voice noting to also reduce cortisol. And as women, since this is a podcast for women, our nervous system works a bit different than men. We thrive on the oxytocin on connection. Connection is what reduces cortisol, which is what reduces stress. So

Connecting with other people, other women, people you feel not just safe with. I always say like not just like not just accepted, but celebrated in, you know, that feeling where when I'm with this person, I feel like I get to be or I want to be the best version of myself. There's something so beautiful and powerful about that. So really looking at who your connections are, who do you feel safe and courageous with to speak these things aloud? Because feeling is healing. So

We wanna feel it. We wanna move it through ourselves. So journaling, voice noting, and then anything else that would call to you. So for some people, it's other movements like yoga or yoga nidra is also a beautiful one. And there's been studies that 30, what is it, 30 minutes of yoga nidra is equivalent to like hours of sleep? I'd have to find the exact study. Yeah, it's incredible.

So these are a few different things that are within reach and don't necessarily take that long. Also, I'm a huge fan of it's called "Healing Hertz Music" I have a playlist for it on Spotify, but you can find YouTube videos that are like two hours long. And I will just play that in the background. And wow, my focus and my breath, I just notice such a difference when I play that. And then again.

Finding moments in between for yourself. Like my non-negotiable is taking an Epsom salt bath each day because it helps with my healing. I put on the healing hertz music. I know I'm detoxing and I know I'm relaxing. That's increasing my body temperature. I'm able to just, you know, finish off the day and go to sleep much quicker.

Shauna Lynn Simon (26:29.366)

And I think it's it's important that we all have some tools in our tool belt. I've talked about stress management numerous times on this show. And one of the things that like your Epsom salt bath is a great example of it's not just about being a non-negotiable, it's about practicing stress management when you're not stressed. So that you can draw on those tools when you're actually in a really stressful moment, so that you can reset yourself a lot quicker. The more you practice it, the easier it is to reset yourself when you're actually in a really stressful situation. And

To your point, each person's methods are going to vary about what gives them that peace, what gives them that joy. Like I listen to I only listen to classical music all day long. I actually have my, I won't say her name because I don't want to set off other people's devices, but I have her in my home set up that at nine o'clock, there's a routine. At nine o'clock, she turns on my classical music. So I can listen to whatever I want before nine a.m. But at nine a.m. she's like, and it's work mode time now for you.

And so I and I listen to it pretty much nonstop and I get the deepest focuses, whereas I used to listen to just the radio. And the radio has words and people talking, and it was incredibly distracting and pulled me out of my focus all the time. Now I'm not saying that classical music is your solution, but it's something that I have found that works. And there are so many different stress management techniques out there, and everyone's going to be a little bit different. What's going to resonate the most with them? I also love journaling. I'm not a

Big journaler, but I practice Dan Sullivan The Gap and The Gain. And he talks about how, like, just even at the end of the day, what are three wins that I had today? And what do I want to do tomorrow? Like it's that simple that if that's all the journaling I do in a day, it's something and at least help me to identify my wins. There are some days I'm like, listen, I didn't win much today. So there's things kind of went downhill from the moment I got out of bed. I'm gonna find my three wins still.

So I think that these are such great tips to provide. I also wanted to say the voice notes. oh my gosh, that is great to know because I actually Voxer with all of my clients. that is one of the perks of working with me is that you get Voxer access to me. So it actually makes sense what you're saying because so many of my clients will send me a Voxer in the middle of the day because something just happened and they're spiraling a little bit. And even if I can't respond to that Voxer right away, just sending me the Voxer.

Shauna Lynn Simon (28:48.812)

starts to bring down their stress level because they've gotten it all out. They've kind of put it out into the universe, put it out somewhere else. So I think we should all be Voxer-ing in each other. That should become our big thing. That's for anyone who's not familiar with Voxer, it's just an audio app essentially. Instead of having to like record the voice note, hit send, or if you're not on the same type of provider, whatever, like Voxer works for everyone. Love, love, love that. That's amazing. I love it.

Christina Kantzavelos (29:12.3)

love Voxer and you know you brought up an interesting point right like these are the habits we start even when we're feeling optimal because sometimes when we we don't feel well we experience brain fog or fatigue or we get stuck we forget like everything goes out the window and something I suggest to my patients to my clients is that they create a note section on their phone of the different tools that work for them. Yeah.

Like maybe even putting a bunch of the ones we discussed today, or if you find some and testing them out and seeing if they work for you, because not everything is for everyone. And just because it works for, you know, your best friend or your colleague doesn't mean it's going to work so well for yourself. And that journaling piece that you mentioned, like writing down the wins or the gratitude for the day is is huge. And I think as someone who went through chronic illness and couldn't get out of bed, getting out of bed became the biggest win when I was able.

To do it. And so just remembering like the fact you opened up your eyes and you took a breath is a win, you know, in so many people's worlds. So anything past that is a bonus. And if you're listening to this, you should be proud of yourself. It's incredible that you're here.

Shauna Lynn Simon (30:26.68)

I really like what you're saying though about, you know, sometimes the win is just getting out of bed. If that's the win you want to celebrate today, I mean, it's like I said, even on the crappiest days, it's not that I didn't have wins, it's that they're overshadowed by some of the stuff that didn't go my way. And so when you cut through that noise and start looking at the wins, it could be as simple as I went for a 10 minute walk or you know what, I was a little bit tired. I had a 10 minute nap with my cat. Like it's

It doesn't have to be big, but I think this is one of the challenges, especially for overachieving women. That doesn't seem like a big enough win to us. And as someone who suffer from chronic fatigue, and I know exactly how hard it was to not only get out of bed, but stay out of bed. I slept nonstop. Chronic fatigue doesn't just mean you're tired all the time and that you're sleeping. It's just I was completely drained of energy. And anyone who knows me today finds it hard to believe that I went through that. And the worst part was I wasn't telling people when I was going through it either.

Right. Because I was ashamed of it at the time. I felt like there was something wrong with me that I couldn't just pull it together, that I couldn't just get out of bed. And so, and I think there's plenty of people who are dealing with chronic issues in various ways. I mean, before we hit record, we were talking a little bit about perimenopause, and that's it's a conversation that is so much more prominent nowadays than it ever used to be. But it's such an important conversation to be having because the reality is that some days you're not operating at your optimal capacity.

that you know you're capable of, but it it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you that day. It just means that you're just having one of those days and you gotta lean into it a little bit and offer yourself the grace, but still celebrate the wins and the things that you are able to do and focus on that and allow yourself to shift.

Christina Kantzavelos (32:07.586)

Yeah, a hundred a hundred percent. And as women, we have moon phases. We've got a luteal phase right before our cycle. We're feeling it. We're needing more rest. So tuning into that body and listening to it can be so amazing and and therapeutic and self-loving and nurturing.

Shauna Lynn Simon (32:25.422)

Now you had a different career path before getting sick. And I would imagine, so someone who's listening to this, I can also see them, you know, there's a lot of identity that gets wrapped up in what it is that we're doing, how we're doing it. And it can be hard to let go of some of that, to allow ourselves to embrace some of these boundaries, to allow a bit of a shift potentially that can come from some of the work that we're doing. You know, how did your losing that original career path reshape?

your own identity and your own purpose. And what are some lessons maybe that you can share with our listeners about how to navigate that?

Christina Kantzavelos (32:57.748)

Yeah, so my past life in this life was in disaster mental health work. So working for for NGOs on the ground after yeah, conducting disaster relief work on a mental health level. And I was doing that. I was working in a hospital, so it was all just medical mental health. And I worked really hard to get into Doctors Without Borders. For those who don't know, it's very challenging to go through the interview process to even pick be picked in the first place. So

of course, it was like, yes, this is all I've ever wanted. This was my dream. This is what I saw myself doing, boots on the ground with, you know, responding to crisis, basically. Yeah. And I wasn't, I didn't know enough about secondary trauma. I didn't take into account my own medical history, my own patterning. So when I started doing this work.

I took on a lot. I was with the Red Cross. I was working 12 hour shifts on an ongoing level. And I was really good at it. Man, I was so good at it. And I think that just kept feeding this idea of I can do this. I can do this. But I could also feel myself pressing that override button. I could see that there were there were symptoms. You know, I was continuously at the doctor trying to figure out why I had this pain or why I was experiencing this strange symptom.

And it wasn't until I was in Mexico after the earthquake there that I became severely ill and had to cut my contract, come back, got passed around like a hot potato. I was fainting. I was just unable to I was unable to operate. I was like a shell of myself, which is again, funny enough, you know, you say that people meet me now and they're like, You went through that. I can't imagine with the energy level you have now and who you are today. You know, I say getting it took me getting sick to get healthy. And that's

Entirely true. I finally got diagnosed with Lyme disease and a myriad of other autoimmune diseases and other diagnoses. And my doctor was like, if you continue this work, you're going to die. This isn't something that your body can do. And I had to grieve this loss of something I worked really hard to get to that I wanted so badly for myself that I finally did get to, only to have for so

Christina Kantzavelos (35:18.936)

For so long before disintegrated in my in my hands. And then I also had to lose who I was. I was this go getter who was constantly on. I was like the energizer bunny. But I didn't realize I needed to continuously put, you know, put in gas and head to the mechanic here and there. yeah. I just

Shauna Lynn Simon (35:40.724)

You talked about was getting sick to get healthy. And I just want to back you up to that a little bit because I think that when people hear that, they might be thinking, well, I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. Like I was, I was eating healthy. I was exercising. I was very doing the healthy things. And so, because I know this about you, I know that you were living that kind of lifestyle already. So I know that I like I want people to hear this that we're not saying that you were, you know.

Christina Kantzavelos (35:55.743)

Yeah, me too.

Shauna Lynn Simon (36:10.114)

Binging on fast food 7 days a week and sitting around like this is just because you're living what you think is a "healthy lifestyle", if you don't have these systems in place, if you don't have these techniques and mechanisms to be able to bring down that cortisol level to take yourself out of that survival mode, to reduce that stress that you don't even necessarily know that you're experiencing, you are not living a healthy lifestyle. And I think this is the part that people need to hear.

Christina Kantzavelos (36:12.856)

No, no we don't.

Christina Kantzavelos (36:36.854)

Yes, thank you so much for exactly. I was I was doing I was very health conscious even before I got sick. So I think that was a shock to a lot of people. Like, I don't understand why you got sick. Well, I do. It's because I was operating under immense stress and not taking the time to rest and restore and take take some deep breaths. I mean, I was even doing yoga, I was even I mean, I was doing all the things, but I wasn't at the same time. And

It's it really was the difference of being in in a survival response versus not. So when I when it all kind of crashed, if you will, and I rebuilt my life, I knew it needed to be in a way that was flexible, that allowed me space and time to go see my doctors, do treatments, literally rest and restore because rest is productive when we need it. You know, and this burnt, I just didn't want to get to a place of this level of

burnout ever again. I didn't want that to happen to my body. I had to recreate a relationship within myself. And that included my relationships, my work, my everything. Yeah, I'm not saying it was rainbows and butterflies. However, it is on the other side. It is on the other side. It's something that's much more sustainable and it's much more paced.

Shauna Lynn Simon (38:01.386)

Yeah. And I just want to repeat what you've said there though. Rest is productive. And I think that is the misconception that we have is rest is associated with being lazy. You know, it's or rest is something you're supposed to earn. You don't deserve rest. Rest is actually productive. Everyone deserves to get rest. And sure, there are life circumstances that make it more and more challenging sometimes to do that, which is all the more reason why we need to prioritize it.

I mean, I was also a caregiver for my dad for many years, as was my mom. And that takes a toll. But at the same time, there were days where, yeah, rest wasn't an option for us because we were responsible for making sure that he had the care that he needed. But that didn't mean that we weren't allowed to get our rest. So if it meant sending my mom to a spa a few days later, or, you know, even just to get a pedicure or manicure or something like that, you it can be something simple. Or in some cases, it was I would take my dad out of the house so she could just have the house to herself.

For a few hours and do nothing. And I remember the first time I did it, she was like, okay, well, I can do this and I can do this. She's thinking of all the chores that would be easier for her to do while we were gone. I'm like, or or just throw this out there, you do nothing. Cause that's also okay. Like, go watch a show, read a book, do whatever you want to do. And like, if you and if doing chores is what's gonna make you feel better, by all means, go for it. But just know that like you don't have to do chores just because you think you need to be more productive. If this break.

If what you want to do to be productive is just do nothing, that is being productive.

Christina Kantzavelos (39:32.876)

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. If you just want to zone out and watch something silly, do it. Even that can be very nurturing to the

To the nervous system. And you said something earlier too, you know, sometimes a lot of this goes with hyperindependence and fear around asking for help. Like whoever's listening, you deserve to be supported. You deserve to be helped. You can delegate if possible to someone or something else. That's amazing. Because we're not meant to do it alone. We can do anything, we can't do everything.

Shauna Lynn Simon (40:03.906)

Yeah. And one thing that I actually learned from caring for my dad for so many years, you know, there would be moments that some days would be better than others. And I would have friends sometimes ask me, is there anything that I can do to help? And one thing that I realized was that they genuinely meant it. And sometimes friends would come to me. This is my favorite thing. If you see someone who's going through this, go to them and offer them specific help. One of the best things I always say is ask to get them groceries. Can I pick you up some groceries? You don't have to pay for them. Like they can give you the money for them, but just go and do the grocery shopping for them.

They don't want to go to the online order, like, I know we've got Instacart and everything else, but it's so much easier to maybe just ask a friend, like, can you just pick up some basic essentials for me? Like I don't, they don't want to go to the bother of creating this order. You know, it just getting getting someone a quick path to food is often one of the most beneficial things that you can do. And I started calling on my friends to help me. Do you know how good it made them feel? Knowing that there was finally something they could actually do because they can't take care of my dad. They can't take my place on that stuff. And nor did I want them to.

It was my honor to be able to care for my dad in the way that I was able to up to his very last days. And it's not something that everyone gets the opportunity to do. So I was honored to be able to do that. But that didn't mean that I didn't need support to take care of myself. And asking for that support was something that I was a very hard thing for me to do for a very long time. Like I need to carry everything. I need to be strong. And I learned over time, no, people genuinely want to help and it makes them feel really good. Think of how you feel when you help someone.

It can be something so simple sometimes to help someone. So asking for help, if you've got those people in your life who are offering it, take it.

Christina Kantzavelos (41:38.786)

I agree. It also allows for a level of emotional intimacy you may have not unlocked with that person in your life, accepting help, offering help. it goes both ways. And accepting help is essentially a gift to the other person too. Because like you said, it makes them feel so good, like they are supporting something that might be really challenging for you.

Shauna Lynn Simon (42:03.82)

Yeah. So maybe instead of unlocking the next level of burnout badges, you start unlocking badges like connectivity and emotions and intimacy. Those sound like some badges I'd like to collect a little bit more than the burnout badges. So we've got to wrap things up here. But one last question for you. What advice would you give someone who is trying to rebuild

after burnout illness or some major life changes, what's some advice you would give them to help them get back on track? Or maybe not maybe not actually back on track. Maybe that's part of the catches. We don't actually want them on the same track.

Christina Kantzavelos (42:36.236)

Yeah, I always say like it's because people come to me and they're like, I want to go back to who I was. And I say, no, who who you were is what got you to this point, to the burnout. So now we're taking off the mask, we're taking off the layers and letting our authentic true self come to the surface and decide and discern on what happens and goes on next. So first things first, you are you are so not alone in this, and it can definitely feel like it. And

I think getting the support, having someone in your life who believes you, who understands you, who is rooting for you to feel better and to continue creating that strong support network around you is going to be really big.

Shauna Lynn Simon (43:22.574)

That is so perfect. I think that's so important. And you know, one of the things I normally ask at the end of the show is if someone can take one thing away from today, what would it be? And I mean, I almost feel like it's that, but I'm still gonna ask the question anyway, though. Cause we talked about a lot of different things today. And it's not, I do want to be clear that, you know, like everything in life, it's not this quick fix necessarily that all of a sudden you're gonna flip a switch tomorrow and everything's gonna work perfectly.

And you'll find yourself in sustainable systems rather than in survival mode. Great. But realistically, there's we've got to start somewhere. So if someone's listening to this episode and there's one thing you want them to take away from today, what would you like that to be?

Christina Kantzavelos (44:00.878)

Yeah, I think it's important and I just want to quickly say like we didn't get here overnight. So we're not expecting shifts and changes overnight, but we get to move towards something that feels more in alignment and we pace ourselves in and doing so. So it's going to feel different. It's going to feel foreign. And if that's the case, you're on the right track. We're creating new neural pathways here. It's going to be an unfamiliar heaven, if you will. Just be brave and be courageous and choosing one thing.

that feels better to your nervous system, whether that's putting on a tapping video or confiding in someone or asking for help. Do one one brave thing for yourself today that might feel a little bit scary.

Shauna Lynn Simon (44:44.078)

It'll feel worth it afterwards, I'm sure. Yeah. I appreciate that. And we did talk about journaling earlier today, early in our episode. And you've actually got an offer for our listeners if they're looking for some support in journaling. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Christina Kantzavelos (45:00.172)

Yes, I created a mind-body-spirit journal when I was really sick. I was looking for something online where I could track my mental health, my physical health, my emotional, spiritual health. And I could not find anything. So I created this again for myself. And then a friend said, you know, this would probably help a lot of people publish it. And that's exactly what I did. And journaling in studies has shown to reduce cortisol levels.

and actually speed up healing. They did a study on burn victims and the burn victims who journaled recovered faster, healed faster than the ones who didn't. It's just such a lovely mind body tool. Yeah, I have an offer through you. So for 15% off.

Shauna Lynn Simon (45:47.434)

15% off. So listeners just use the code RWRB as in Real Women Real Business, RWRB, you get 15% off of any journal on the website. We will, of course, link to that in the show notes. But if you want to check it out now, as long as you're not driving, of course, go to beginwithintoday.com/journal.

Christina, I cannot thank you enough for joining me on today's show. I've really enjoyed this conversation. I think it's an important one that every woman needs to hear right now. thank you so much for for having this conversation with me.

Christina Kantzavelos (46:18.062)

Thank you so much for inviting me and for having this courageous conversation. I hope that it helps at least one person.

Shauna Lynn Simon (46:26.472)

If it helps at least one person, then we've definitely done exactly what we set out to do. And if you're that one person and this episode is resonating with you, I hope that you will continue to tune in. Each week we drop new episodes every Tuesday morning at 7 a.m. Eastern time. And I'd love to continue to be a part of your journey. Don't forget to subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. It really, really does help the algorithm. And as always, I'm going to ask for one last ask of my listeners because if this

Episode is really hitting home for you. The best way that you can show your support, not only for the show, but for your fellow women entrepreneurs, is to share this episode with a woman that you know needs to hear it today. If every one of us shares this episode with just one more person, imagine how well we can spread the message and help others and help to raise each other up. So thank you so much for tuning in today. And until next time, keep thriving.